🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, largely pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted four years, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males have open relationships, but from my observations, they appear like hard work, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Each individual's sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter someone who provides a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.