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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the words this generation is using to navigate love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your choice to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {