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Myself crave wisdom from others on dealing with life’s midpoint hurdles, including deep inner questions, waning significance, noticing one’s neck resembling a melted timepiece plus a fresh interest regarding sunny relocation programs. Lately, I discovered Jamie Oliver’s words on turning 50 in an interview: “Trimming unnecessary clutter is key to enjoying your later years,” he noted. “Just be with lovely people. I’m avoiding negative people – ‘mood hoovers’ – and getting better at saying no.”

At first, I pondered: isn’t there a tension about evading pessimists and honing one’s rejection skills? Could that imply he needs to dodge his own tendencies? I know – it’s exactly the kind of thing a mood hoover would say, and that’s because I am one. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). I’ll accept “downbeat cashmere throw”, at a pinch.

It’s possible you’re also a member. Do you tend to be the event’s realist rather than its cheerleader? When you give an exhaustive answer to “How are you?”, does the other person slowly retreat? Do you greet “fun” activity suggestions with an expression that makes you look like you’ve swallowed a slug? Do you see yourself in gloomy figures; has a spiritual reader mentioned your vibe is murky?

If this describes you, you’re in our ranks, and that’s acceptable. Even as popular advice encourages cutting ties with “exhausting” pals, I believe we provide genuine benefits. It’s likely an energy vampire would have expressed doubts – or shown a grimace – upon hearing about the planned book with a First Nations lead done without input, possibly avoiding much trouble, distress, and disrespect. You don’t get that sort of service from “lovely people”.