Those Advice shared by My Parent Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger inability to open up between men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a pause - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."